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Royal Reporter

Friday, February 20, 2009
'Waiting For "My" World to Change'

You can spend so many hours, days, weeks, even months of your life waiting for something to happen. Do you ever realize how much time you literally spend just waiting? For a red light to turn green, for the phone to ring with good news, for the woman's line to move in the bathroom at the end of the movie... for the winter to end just so you can actually reap the benefits of shaving your legs, for more than just a day. If I could keep track of all the minutes I spent doing any of those things, in addition to the minutes spent waiting for the automated service to connect me to an actual human being at the cable company- I figure I could safely have AT LEAST a month of my life back.

Currently, I am waiting for my entire life to change. Waiting for the next job, waiting to find my new apartment and to move, waiting for my hair to grow out so I can be more marketable...I literally feel like my life is unable to obtain any bit of progression because I have to wait for all the little pieces of my life to fall into place, before I can actually form the puzzle and start enjoying the picture.

They say that good things come to those who wait. But they also say that God only helps those who help themsleves. So I am to believe that if I wait while still being active in my goals, I will be blessed with the best of what I deserve. But I find it so hard to be active in pushing these things along when they are so out of my control. I can't force apartment managers to call me back when I call in reference to a property. I can't force casting directors to give me a job. As far as I'm concerned I'm doing what I can in my part. I'm making the effort, and I'm giving it my all. And in turn, I'm sitting at home- waiting for the phone to ring with good news. It gets so exhusting and often times disappointing when there is no news at all. And if no news really WAS good news-as they say, then why am I having such a hard finding the good?

(Exhale) I just felt the need to get out my neurosis regarding the waiting game-as I call it. I'm trying hard to be patient, but I'm proactive. I'm driven. I make things happen, and leaving it up to someone else to do it for me, has never been a responsibility I've been willingly able to hand over.

So I wait....

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