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Viewing Single Post From: Crystal Chappell Days Q&A

Jan 25 2010, 01:10 PM
Jan 25 2010, 12:54 PM
Jan 25 2010, 12:26 PM
Jan 25 2010, 11:40 AM

Quoting limited to 4 levels deepQuality not quantity is more important in a fictional love story. Even in real life people have been know to have stayed many years in a loveless marriage ....and not until they found love did they think about moving on. May not thrill some people, but that's the truth.
Abused woman don't easily leave.....especially when a child might be left behind. It's hard enough for many women in a democracy to get out safely. In a country like Alamainia, where Bo made it clear that it is in a part of the world where , women have no rights, it's almost impossible. And that's true even in REAL LIFE. When folks say why did she just not do it, (even in real life cases) clearly people don't know what it takes to escape the physical and social power men have in many countries.

Carly is a woman who made a bad choice with Lawrence. Not unique, even on DAYS. Hope made a terrible choice with Larry Welch; with Patrick. Kayla made a terrible choice with Jack. Marlena made a terrible choice with Alex North, or Commissioner Gates. The only difference is that they were ONSCREEN so they were given a man to rescue them. Offscreen, no one gets help at all. Why didn't Marlena or Hope or Steve or Roman escape from Stefano all those years? They don't get trashed for not overcoming the power people who were abusing them. But Carly is at fault for not escaping Lawrence????

I see that as unfair and misogynistic. An abused woman is supposed to do it herself less she gets blamed. Unless of course it's a "supercouple female.." Then she has no responsibility and is always rescued by others.
I don't really see how this is the same. Carly made the choice to be there in the first place. None of them did. I don't even blame Carly, though. I just don't see the comparison. I think we've seen plenty of reasons why Carly couldn't get away (his threats to her child, his men would come after her, etc). The others that you listed couldn't get away sometimes because of comas, chains, or mind control but not because they chose not to. The stories, IMO, just aren't similar enough to use them as justification. I think her own reasons stand as good enough justification for her staying and don't make her seem weak.
What do you mean it's different. Carly made a choice to be with Lawrence. She trusted he would change. He had saved her life, pulled her out of the grave; got their son back from Viv. She was still just coming out of shock and amnesia. So yea she made a bad choice.

I was using the comparisons to show how ridiculous it is to blame the victims. Sorry if that did not come thru....
Of course I don't blame these women for making bad choices in life and men. But they did....and ended up needing to get out of a bad situation and needing help to do so.
No one forced Marlena to be with Chief Gates and there was no amnesia. No one forced Kayla to marry Jack. They made bad, uninformed choices. No one forced Hope to be with Patrick. No way they could predict the future. But they did get out because they had help.....
So I do not get this "she should have done it...." and the "blame the victim" mentality.
It reminds me of the dark ages when women were lamblasted on court for wearing "sexy" clothers; therefore they were "asking for it". This is what happened for much of the world's history. Women were blamed for being raped, for being abused. In 2010 I would hope people would be more enlightened.
Are you talking about Richard Cates? Because she wasn't his victim. He wasn't abusive to her. I agree that victim blaming is wrong, but again I don't see the comparisons with the stories you're using. Carly isn't less weak because the other women weren't weak in their stories. I don't find her particularly weak (at least not until lately), but I just don't find any of these stories at all similar.
You are missing my point. Let me try....again.
I am not saying the other women were weak. I am saying there is a double standard. Carly, the victim, is being blamed for her own abuse and for not escaping it. Kayla, Marlena, Kim, Hope all were in situations where violence against them happened or was possible in the future. Should they be blamed? NO!!! But, the counter I have heard is this: they got away from it. Carly CHOSE to stay.

Carly is not the only woman in Salem who made a bad choice.
But before the violence turned on them, or got too bad, they recognized it, and escaped, with the help of others.

Carly recognized it but had no help.
So yea, I still contend Carly is being unfairly judged (not by you) by some because she did not get away from Lawrence; or because she chose a bad guy she deserved what she got. The comparison is about being responsible for one's choices....
saying an abuse victim is responsible is beyond ignorant.
Saying anyone deserves abuse because either they made a bad choice, or because they did not escape from the abuser right away, is just wrong. The comparison is that if one says Carly deserved abuse for choosing the wrong man, then the other deserved whatever whenever they trusted someone who was unsavory. Instead, tho', the others got out of it either before abuse happened, or right after one incident of abuse. Why? Because they were stronger than Carly? I contend they had help.....Carly did not. Most abused women need help....either a safe house, a friend with financial resources.....transportation. That's all I am saying.
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