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Sammie Jo
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HotPepper
Sep 17 2012, 06:46 PM
We lost a child many years ago. It almost tore our life and marriage apart. Mainly because my husband was like Nick and wouldn't talk about it. No, he did not run to another woman but it was like our son had never existed. I suffered thru that for many years because no one knows what real pain is until they lose a child. Your grief never ends but you have to learn to live the way your child would want you to live. You can always and will always mourn the loss of a child because I still after 22 years think of my son daily. I was able to move on but could have let it destroy me and my marriage so I looked at the situation and said this has to stop. We have to start going out again, doing things we used to do. That is what we finally did after our sons death but it took a few months to do that. My husband still will not talk about our son but does mention something about him every now and then. Just small remarks but if I say much about it he just clams up and doesn't want to talk about it anymore. i guess this is his way of mourning our child. Holding a lot inside but at least he does live life the way I thought we would live it and that was growing old happily together until we died. I have to respect his way of mourning because he excepted my way of mourning.
I think you control how you handle losing a child. You can let it ruin the rest of your life or face life without your child and move on and live the type of life your chilld would have wanted you to live. I wouldn't want my children to mourn for me forever and I doubt that my children would want me to mourn for them forever.
let me just say as a mother, I cannot even imagine your loss, my sincere condolences.
As to how your husband grieves, thank you for sharing that, because I am the same way about death, I just never speak about the person again, if I do, it's just a mention, or I act like they are just "away" and not dead. It's the only way I can deal with it, ITA understand your husband's reaction, it's not that he doesn't care, he just can't accept it and if you don't talk about it, the person isn't really dead.
I'm just glad to know I'm not the only one who reacts like that.


As for sharon, seems like there's always an excuse for her bad behavior, oh, her father abandoned her, oh her child died, oh whatever, she has an excuse.
People have tragedies and crappy childhoods more often than not, they don't start screwing the stableboy or stealing, they deal with it and move on.
Nick, has no excuse either. I always did feel that Nick blamed himself and sharon, I felt, blamed him too for Cassie's death, after all, if he hadn't said she could go out, it wouldn't have happened. That still doesn't give him an excuse to turn to another woman.
Nick didn't just go out and jump in the sack with phyliss, they developed a friendship first, sharon, otoh, jumped in the haystack with Diego without so much as a how de do.
We could go on forever listing who did more wrong but it would just turn into another bashfest like the sharon & phyliss who did more bad things list.
The "experts" say that after the death of a child, most marriages do end.
Both sharon and nick were wrong in how they handled Cassie's death.
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