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Viewing Single Post From: Wednesday, January 23rd Daily Discussion
annie21


Pookie
Jan 23 2013, 05:22 PM
esp13
Jan 23 2013, 05:11 PM
Pookie
Jan 23 2013, 04:27 PM
tomsawyer
Jan 23 2013, 04:10 PM

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But this is how it happens for abuse victims. They tell themselves, yeah there are some problems but he hasn't got that bad YET. Then they do nothing and wait and see. Until when it finally does get really bad they're in so deep they don't know how to get themselves out of it. If red flags are shooting up left and right, it's not wise or healthy to ignore them. You need to deal with them head on before it spirals out of control.
I don't think anybody is disagreeing with this. I think I've said several times that Gabi needs to stand up for herself. And she does. She needs to recognize what's going on and part of what is going on is her passivity. All I'm saying is that I don't think it's reached the level of abusive at this point. It might be going there. It might not.
Well I have a LOW threshold for that kind of thing. So for ME, he's being abusive. Abuse is about more than physical harm. And just because Nick hasn't man handled or hit her yet doesn't mean he isn't abusive. Right now it's psychologically abusive with the manipulation and the controlling ways.

Nick has an attitude with ANYONE who doesn't fall in line. Did you see the look he gave Maxine because she said Gabi was the one who needed to ask the questions? Then he complained to Gabi about it. Does he really think everyone in Salem is gonna fall in line and view him as the father now that everyone knows the truth? He's clearly built up this delusion in his mind that has absolutely nothing to do with reality.
On this issue of whether Nick is being abusive versus being merely controlling, I guess I perceive a lot of grey area, so I'm impressed by those who can see such a clear dividing line between the two and can declare emphatically that Nick hasn't stepped over that line. I'm not disagreeing, but I'm just not so sure either way.

While I don't think abuse is purely in the eye of the beholder, I do think that there is at least enough room for interpretation to hold open some doubt. So that's why I went out and did some searching on the net. :) Interestingly, being controlling is almost always included in the list of warning signs of an abusive type as is the case that an abuser has been abused himself in the past. (see the links below or google the topic for yourself)

For me, abuse comes down to a power imbalance in the relationship. So we have to consider both sides of the equation to determine whether abuse can occur. For example, Nick's controlling ways combined with Gabi's low self esteem sets up the circumstances for an abusive use of power by Nick over Gabi. He can give Maxine a look, but he can't abuse her because (a) she's not emotionally involved with him; (b) she has a healthy dose of self-esteem; and (c) she's older and wiser in the ways of the world, so won't hesitate to call him out on his bad behavior. But Gabi has none of those attributes, and Nick is (wittingly or unwittingly) taking advantage of that fact to get his way. To me, it's at least possible that represents an abuse of his power over her, whether or not he's doing it intentionally and whether or not she's complicit with his actions.



http://www.ehow.com/how_2358368_identify-five-signs-abusive-controlling.html
http://www.divinecaroline.com/22071/42869-top-10-signs-an-abusive)
Edited by annie21, Jan 23 2013, 10:07 PM.
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Wednesday, January 23rd Daily Discussion · DAYS: News, Spoilers & Discussion