|Viewing Single Post From: Y&R: Prayers for Jeanne Cooper (Updated 5/4)|
|Miss Rhi||May 4 2013, 01:04 AM|
Update May 4th :'( |
Clearly from my messages you all must realize the situation, and that what I had hoped and prayed for - more time - may just end up being the brief moments I had with mom earlier this week. I asked God for time, I got it and tried to fill it with as much love and laughter as I possibly could. Sitting in a movie tonight, mildly distracted from it all, I got a call from my brother and he said we have to stop being unfair. She's struggling too much. We have to let her go. I took it in, calmly, and walked back into the theater, finished the movie - Darn good Iron Man 3. I then went back to my hotel room, where I am now and broke down, conceding any fight I had left. I don't want her in pain. I don't want her in fear. I don't want her in agony. And Jeanne Cooper, Katherine Chancellor, Wilma Jeanne is a fighter! She will kick ass as long as we let her but I know now it is only for us, not for her. I had to think back sitting in her bedroom several days ago... she pointed to several objects, paintings, telling us their "value." Not much really but SHE WANTED US TO KNOW. I think she knew she was ready then, to let go. But she needed to test us to see our reaction - My reaction! Of course I immediately said, "not ready to go there mom," demonstrating exactly what she suspected; that I wasn't ready quite yet. So she hung on. Went another round. The boxer pleasing the team in their corner.
I said goodbye to her yesterday, and even then not fully meaning it or expecting that would be the last time I saw her. But now it will have to do as we enter this weekend letting her final voyage begin. And I'm good with it, honestly. Enough to be saying it here. You all have been a tremendous ear for me, to verbalize my struggles with all of this... even now with these very words... I am good. I am good. I don't want her in pain. I don't want her in fear or agony. Along with her tremendous success she's had too much of all that in her lifetime. And she's shared much of it with all of you, candidly. So I'm giving her this weekend, take the holiday, mom, make it yours, let it take you where it will. My final words to her last night were, "I'll see you again." And I will, either here or there. Prayers please for her safe and peaceful journey. I may take a break here for a bit and stay silent in prayer and mediation for the next few days... Then again, I am my mother's son and staying quiet isn't always an option. May the light of God grace shine upon us all this weekend. Make it about love, compassion, and honesty, and in doing so you will honor my mom and the examples she has always tried to set, to this very moment.
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